>10 years ago, when I was invited to birthday parties of those my age today, I’d think quietly to myself, God they are old. And I used to imagine it must be awful at a point when you’d qualify a midlife crisis. Having celebrated turning an “old-enough-to-start-a-midlife-crisis” age recently myself, I decided to reflect on a couple of general principles that I am glad to have learnt over the years – ones that are personally effective at nipping any tendency in the bud.
Principle #1 – It’s okay to not have a purpose
Everyone has different purposes in this universe. A rare few have a strong one, a conviction that they are fortunate and persistent enough to develop. Most would spend their entire lives searching for or creating one.
Religions aside, 99% of human populations would eventually one way or another, define their life purpose by their offsprings or the experience of raising them. I have been assured by many parenting friends that being a parent is the most rewarding experience of their lives so far. And I do believe them.
Because I also believe that us human beings are capable of rationalising everything with our minds as an important survival mechanism. Once we enter an irreversible one-way door (see Jeff Bezos’ one-way door or two-way door decision making process here), it’s important for our survival that we fully embrace what’s to come after that door. Being a parent, is one of those experiences that would only unfold behind an one-way door.
I’ve not found or created mine. And I might never find or create a life purpose for myself. And I might eventually one day default it to raising children. And I have to believe that that is okay – it would still be a life worth living as long as I never stop making progress towards one.
I’ve also learnt that one’s life purpose would not fall from the sky. It would only become clearer by taking steps towards it, however baby steps they might be. It’s a journey worth taking but it’d only be a journey if someone is walking the walk. So keep moving forward and keep going with intent.
Principle #2 – The universe cannot care less about our individual narratives
Whenever I am asked why I would be so courageous (or shameless depending on who asks) to write so publicly, I would remind myself the general principle that the universe cannot care less. Whatever narrative I am building in my head or putting down on paper have no effect on the universe.
A case in point is a mental exercise – what % of our mind space is ever allocated to someone who does not has a direct impact on our happiness and joy? Those who would have a direct impact would typically fall into three categories –
- Category I: Ourselves
- Category II: Those who we love – our parents, our children, our close relatives, our romantic partners, our close friends etc
- Category III: Those who impact our source of funding – our managers, our colleagues, our business partners, our clients, our investors etc
If I were to be honest with myself, category I-III occupies >90% at any given time. A 10% of mind space at best might be allocated to those who have the potential to develop into category II and III.
I could certainly hope that my writing would have a positive impact on myself and those I love. But if I were to follow this general principle of the universe, it would always remain a hope. And the universe cannot care less about my hopes and dreams.
It’s one of the most depressing yet liberating therefore motivating principles I’ve ever learnt. If I don’t let it bring me down, it would certainly set me free.
As always, feedback are adored and would welcome any other general principles that might have worked for you.